Ted Baker knew that the only thing left in his life worth living for was his pet dog Bob. Bob was the pride and joy of Ted. Each day Ted returned home from work at the mortuary, Bob would greet him at the door, awaiting his daily walk.
One day, Ted decided to take Bob for a walk in the park two blocks away from his house. “C’mon Boy, we’re goin’ on an adventure,” he said.
The two set out toward the park. Bob wandered from side to side, smelling the fragrant grass and urinating every now and then. Across the street was a bakery. Bob caught scent of food and darted across the street. *BLAM!* Bob was smashed dead by a semi.
“Oh, shit,” cried Ted, running toward the corpse of his beloved dog. The truck driver squealed to a halt and walked over to Ted with a look of genuine remorse.
“Jesus, I’m real sorry. He just…”
“Fuck you, you mutated fuck nose!” interrupted Ted. Ted grabbed the truck driver and smashed his head into the street lamp.
The truck driver fell onto his back. Ted pounced on his stomach until his insides came out of his mouth.
Satisfied, he went to the bakery that had attracted Bob’s attention. There he bought a chocolate Bundt cake and smiled. Oh, how dear Bob had loved Bundt cakes!
Stupid Ass Stories 