Posts Tagged ‘love’

Girls Just Don’t Dig Me (Part 2)

January 27, 2009

I was at this big roller rink once my freshman year in high school. We all went there ‘cos it was really trendy and had the BEST Mr. Pibb. I had no idea how to skate, but I thought it would be a kickin’ good time. So I sat on one of those square things to put on my rented skates. I was pissed when I realized they had only given me one skate, but then I remembered I only had one leg. So I stumbled onto the main floor, where the vixens are, and started to play the field.

Getting up after my eleventh or twelfth fall, I noticed a sultry young red-haired love cat with glitter in her hair looking down at me. Her stare was inviting, and I asked her if she’d mind giving me a lesson or two. She smiled and, amused, began to giggle. I thought she fell for my innocence or thought my inability to skate was charming, and that boded well for things to come. But when she grabbed me by the locks of my dishwater-blond hair and swung me around ’til I was out of control, I knew my premonitions were faulty. The other girls joined in, and I became an unhappy one-legged billiard ball bouncing around the hellish pool table called Rollerhell. Eventually my torso hit the rink’s edge, shattering my pelvic bones. I lay doubled over, shot down in flames.

I don’t know. I guess girls just don’t dig me.